Adultery: It’s not just the men

A noticeable number of marriages in Singapore break down because of an unfaithful spouse: the wife.

Twenty veteran family lawyers and private investigators told The Sunday Times that out of every 10 cases they handle in which a spouse cheats, about half are because the wife strayed from the marriage.

A decade ago, only two to three out of the 10 unfaithful parties were the wives. And 20 or 30 years ago, an adulterous wife being cited in divorce proceedings was quite unheard of, they added.
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Counsellor Jonathan Siew said: “In the past, women were expected to sacrifice for their families. But now, there is a greater sense of individualism. Women are less afraid and more willing to pursue their own needs, compared with their mothers’ generation.”

There are also opportunities to fall for another man at work or through social media, lawyers said of the cases they handled.

And contrary to popular perception, unfaithful wives are not only found among professionals and corporate types, or white-collar or higher-income earners. They come from all walks of life, including housewives and low-wage earners, and many have children.
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And there are key differences between men and women when it comes to affairs.

For one thing, an unfaithful woman is more likely than a man to end the marriage, said counsellors and lawyers.

In their opinion, this is because women do not necessarily seek an extramarital affair. They may have been unhappy in their marriage, till someone comes along and offers them the emotional intimacy they find lacking in their marriage.

Said Mr Siew: “When women cheat, they are, to some extent, already thinking of divorce. So they allow themselves to go into the affair, which they see as a long-term commitment.”

This is unlike men, who often want to keep the other woman on the side for a variety of reasons.