Satire from The Tapir Times: Drunk Driver Hopes To Settle Charges By Returning Half His Beer…

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SELANGOR:   A man arrested for driving while drunk has announced plans to settle his charges ‘Riza Aziz-style’ by returning half the amount of alcohol he consumed the night of his arrest.
The 37-yeah-old man, charged under Section 44(1) of the Road Transport Act for driving under the influence of alcohol, posed a danger to Muslim and non-Muslim Malaysians.
The man hopes to walk free from the Kajang Sessions Court without jail time just like Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s stepson Riza Shahriz Abdul Aziz did with his Session Court ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ graft charges.
“If Riza can return half of the US$248 million allegedly misappropriated without admitting guilt, then I should be able to return half of the 13 Tiger beers I drank the night I was arrested!” the man reportedly claimed.
“Like Riza I just want to put these drunk driving charges behind me, and get on with my life!”
Management at the Cheras Uncle Don’s say they have not received any ‘beer settlements’ from the man, but conceded some of the accused’s beer had already been returned in their men’s room the night he was picked up.
With the Transport Ministry finalising harsher punishments, the man has been told if he wants to avoid jail, he should quit drink driving and become a suspiciously wealthy Hollywood movie producer instead.

By Editor on 2 Jun, 2020

SELANGOR:   A man arrested for driving while drunk has announced plans to settle his charges ‘Riza Aziz-style’ by returning half the amount of alcohol he consumed the night of his arrest.

The 37-yeah-old man, charged under Section 44(1) of the Road Transport Act for driving under the influence of alcohol, posed a danger to Muslim and non-Muslim Malaysians.

The man hopes to walk free from the Kajang Sessions Court without jail time just like Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s stepson Riza Shahriz Abdul Aziz did with his Session Court ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ graft charges.

“If Riza can return half of the US$248 million allegedly misappropriated without admitting guilt, then I should be able to return half of the 13 Tiger beers I drank the night I was arrested!” the man reportedly claimed.

“Like Riza I just want to put these drunk driving charges behind me, and get on with my life!”

For more:

http://thetapirtimes.com/2020/06/02/drunk-driver-hopes-to-settle-charges-by-returning-half-his-beer/

..


SELANGOR:   A man arrested for driving while drunk has announced plans to settle his charges ‘Riza Aziz-style’ by returning half the amount of alcohol he consumed the night of his arrest.
The 37-yeah-old man, charged under Section 44(1) of the Road Transport Act for driving under the influence of alcohol, posed a danger to Muslim and non-Muslim Malaysians.
The man hopes to walk free from the Kajang Sessions Court without jail time just like Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s stepson Riza Shahriz Abdul Aziz did with his Session Court ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ graft charges.
“If Riza can return half of the US$248 million allegedly misappropriated without admitting guilt, then I should be able to return half of the 13 Tiger beers I drank the night I was arrested!” the man reportedly claimed.
“Like Riza I just want to put these drunk driving charges behind me, and get on with my life!”
Management at the Cheras Uncle Don’s say they have not received any ‘beer settlements’ from the man, but conceded some of the accused’s beer had already been returned in their men’s room the night he was picked up.
With the Transport Ministry finalising harsher punishments, the man has been told if he wants to avoid jail, he should quit drink driving and become a suspiciously wealthy Hollywood movie producer instead.

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